I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
