I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
