that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to fling myself into the sun
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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