he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
