U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
