lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
