you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
