Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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