you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
