I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
