We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
