well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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