You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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