people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
