I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
