Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
