come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
