i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Houston, we have a blender
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
