I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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