I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
