it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
