The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
