So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
