It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
