Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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