If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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