So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
