brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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