she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
