remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
