Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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