I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
