I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
