You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
