Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize