Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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