last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
