so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
