how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
