So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize