Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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