i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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