roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
