I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
