She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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