in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i drank out of a bidet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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