the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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