i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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