I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
