Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
