dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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