so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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