Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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