chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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