we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
