i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
