My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize