if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
