Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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