if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this just has baby written all over it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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