I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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