I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All the doctor said was why
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
