You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
