Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize