his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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