i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
