then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
