Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
