You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
