Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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