dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sponge bath it is.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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