i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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