we have officially lost it.
youre lurking in front of me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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