we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
