Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize