Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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