just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
